Hatha wajhi law thalleyt nafsi lak again tell u i need you and believe you and wait for u and worry abt you and look for you and run after you just to be slapped with ur cold reasons and excuses for not even trying to at least pretend that i am on ur mind and want to be there for me or something ..in the office till 2 invited to dinner then u had food brought in.. I was there fuad. That can never happen. U chose the wrong woman habibi just as much as i chose the wrong man and i am so sick of myself so sick of crying while u are sleeping so sick for being so stupid and weak and pathetic so sick of talking to u when its obvious that u really just dont care and would always put yourself first even if it means sacrificing me. I know u are sick of me and this i am too wallahi i am more than u wallahi i am so tired and sick and beaten by myself with no one beside me that i can run too and trust to make it better. I know it is my fault my life is my choice and im the one who allows love or hurt in it. I cant force u to care abt me or love me and its up to me to believe you or not. I dont know anymore i know u are sick of this a f sick of me i am sick of it too i am a d crying abt this is useless and telling u this is so useless and everything is useless for 2 years my love is useless god is useless my phd is useless my family isvuseless my daughter isvuseless my tears wre useless my words d eything this msg is useless my life is useless only my mother n daughter lve me and i have been useless to them too and now everytime u feel like hurting me u wil call me useless coz i am so useless that you cant help yourself.im just so stupid you know... If u were me u wont be as stupid as i am admit it. It took a long time for u to trust me and if i lied abt where i am or what im doing i bet itll be the end of your trust and will always doubt and resent me for the doubts that consume u that u may never rest everytime i am out. But why is it easy for u to do it to me? Why am i so trivial to u that Anything i ask u i have to beg and its so hard for u to even try and so easy for u to do what i beg u not to? Why am i so stupid even now reaching out for love that uprobably think im too pathetic to deserve just like every single time i breakdown I. Despair and u roll ur eyes and tell me im going on and get over it and move on till the next time and the next and the next no wonde u have no respect for me. I have no respect for myself im so tired i wish one day i cry a d talk all my heart out and have a brand new strong and smart one. Imagine all the nights i wont feel this way and mAybe u will want to please me more. I dont know wallahi why this is happening to me or if you will ever care from ur heart without justifying why u dont or why u hurt me. I dont know if i will ever change or be stronger or learn not to be stupid or just suddenly die and end my misery and yours.i cant run away from this there is no where to run. I cant get into substance abuse coz u will just do it with me and instead of feeling better u will just start sayung things that may really make me jump of a bridge and i dont want to do that to u .why cant u just honestkg love me.? Or leave ne if u cant bring urself to love me. Why do u have to confuse me and make me lose my mind with how hard it is cor u to do but so easy for u to say.look at u so i nnocrnt of what is happening to me and u are right. It is all in my head i am mentally unstable i have been since we went to davao and saw the other side of u and just screamed and cried out of fear and comfusion like a crazy person thats where i lost my mind. And with it my self esteem and dignity and your respect and
Sent from my iPhone
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